THE PAIN SEARING MY HEART

So on Saturday at about 8pm, I was abused. I suffered domestic violence. It came like a flash in pan and I’m still in shock.
The upper part of my body is scathed after baring the pain of being repeatedly hit by an antenna pole. My hands have lost their 100% function, I can barely hold a pen to write. I was referred for an X-ray. The pain that emanate from my face and scalp reminds me that they had received several blows and had to be slammed to the ground.
So I was abused by my father at age 27yrs of age because I went out by 1pm and returned by 7:30pm.
So I have been told that he is my father, I have to endure since I will need him later in life. That he did what he did out of love. I have no right as a single lady to live alone. Hmmmmm…
Recently, I concluded the story A HOLD FROM THE PAST.
A story that was inspired by a woman who killed her husband but soonest I found the story line changing to mirror some of the experiences my sibling and I suffered in the hand of a supposedly Christian father, Can you imagine after beating me black and blue, he asked that I come into the house and pray?
Just the thought alone make me want to laugh.
Everytime, my arms and back is massaged and tears fill my eyes and pain cloud my senses, I ask the question, am I suppose to forgive this?
Anyways I forgive him already.
But am I suppose to forget, the blows, pulling of my hair, slamming my head to the ground, the pain that coursed through my vein with the pole descending on my body, the insomnia I had been experiencing so much that was what made me leave the house that Saturday, the verbal, psychological and emotional abuse?
If you ask me, I will say his aim was to kill me but God knew I was yet to accomplish my purpose. I am surprised I didn’t pass out.
Am I suppose to grin from ear to ear in pretense when I see him because I am going to get married someday and I need his blessing?

I wish I could share pictures but I’ve been asked not to…
I once heard all sins are forgivable but not everything is pardonable, how true is this?

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30 comments

  1. This is so shocking to hear and I can’t t seem to find the words that could soothe the pain but then I remember what Jesus said to his disciples: Come to me all you who are over burdened and laden and I will give you rest. He will take the pain away and give you a light load to carry. I just can’t seem to figure out all this things about domestic violence maybe because I haven’t really experienced it in this way but then I find it so appalling and shameful.. I had this same discussion last night with my roommates and they somehow didn’t seem to understand my point of view.. No man or woman should be subjected to any form of beating no matter what especially at this age and time. I pray for restoration and peace in your heart… I pray for freshness of love and unity in your family and more than anything else I pray for God’s strength and wisdom for you to come out of this victorious as you shine you light bright to those around you. Love you dear and I am sorry about everything I just can’t imagine what you are going through right now but just know that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. You are not alone

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  2. Pls tell me this is not a true life story? At 27 years, a father still beats a female child like this? This one has gone beyond training up a child. What if u had died? What if u loose the use of ur hands? What is u have internal injury as a result of the beating? Pls tell me again that this is not a true life story and that it is not urs, queenxstar?;(;(;>;>

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  3. If Our Father in heaven treats us this way in the name of correction, i believe many would have choose neva to know him. So sorry dear and may God strengthen u. At 27 years! I dont want to imagine what u must be passing through right now, be strong God will see u thru. Pls was ur mum there? Just asking. What some parents do in the name of correction!

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  4. If Our Father in heaven treats us this way in the name of correction, i believe many would have choose neva to know him. So sorry dear and may God strengthen u. At 27 years! I dont want to imagine what u must be passing through right now, be strong God will see u thru. Pls was ur mum there? Just asking. What some parents do in the name of correction!

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      • Yes dear, i had to change the name cos i tried posting a second time but it wont go. Am so sorry abt ur predicaments. Hmmmmm. God will help u. I believe it was mummy dat said he did it out of love! Lol mothers and thieir husbands. Dont be offended o, is it deeper life or mfm he attends? Or was that how harsh his dad was to him as a child? Pls do forgive him ok?and which tradition forbides a single lady to leave alone in this era?

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  5. This is so heartbreaking, I am in shock and can only imagine what you went through.

    I will pray for your emotional healing. You’ll be fine, you’ll get through this my dear. Please stay calm.

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  6. I know it took courage to write this. I know it took courage to move. I know it takes courage to wake up and face everyday. But you have done it, and you keep doing it, simply because you are courageous. You have to be. For you. For your siblings and for your future. Because you have walked, you will never again suffer abuse. Because you have walked, you will be stronger, better. Because you have walked you will be a testimony. It hurts. God knows it hurts. But this pain will make you stronger, better, more of who you were destined to be.
    Courage is not in standing firm in the place of battle. It is in living to fight another day. That is what you have done. And whilst we are still in the father-takes-bride-price age, you don’t have to die to get to offer you up in marriage.
    There is no honour in a cowardly unnecessary death.
    And love, christian fatherly love, does not lie in demeaning, intimidating and victimizing the child. It lies in loving, trusting and believing in your child.
    Because you walked away, Essie, you have said your own NO to domestic violence and child abuse. And that NO will speak for you forever.

    God is with you. Never forget that. And He (God) is proud of you.

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  7. this is terrible. i know you are a nurse. pls get an accommodation of your own, even if its a room and start life afresh. forget all the myths of single ladies staying alone wont get good husband, u are a child of God, u are engraven in his palm, he has ur today and tomorrow in his hand. when its time to cross the bridge(marriage) it will be sorted out but now safety first. Most of us parent have not met Christ but we are just practising religion. at 27 you are to be advised and prayed for if he has done his homework very well.

    forgiveness and healing takes time. You are hurting now, take your time, move out, stay with a friend or any trusted female around you, till you get yourself sorted.

    i can assure u, if you handle this period very well, few years to come he will be at your mercy.

    take your time and one day at a time, dont rush to do anyting, dont confront him or ask any question, and dont be afraid of tomorow. we should tank God that God is not like our earthly parent. i salute your courage. its well with you

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  8. I am so sorry about this dear..so sorry. I cant even imagine the hurt and pain you went through not just physical but also emotional.
    I pray more than the pain, you experience God’s love in this time.
    I am sorry dear.

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  9. I am so glad you have moved out. At first i though it was fiction till i read the comments. God will heal you totally in Jesus name.

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  10. Oh my goodness. Wow, how did I miss this? I am really sorry to hear about this. Are you alright? My goodness. Just stay calm and choose not to allow the hurt and pain get to you. If you need a shoulder to lean on, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me okay? It’s just a phase which I believe you’ll pass through soon. Here’s a massive hug coming from me. You’ll be fine my darling.
    Much love. xo!

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  11. Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry. Reading this, I’m so so sorry.
    You don’t have to put up with this, truly. Father or not, you’re at that age where you know what you want and potential maiming or disability is not in the cards for you. I’m glad you don’t think all men are like that and I will pray for you love.
    Be of good courage. Hugs.

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