A HOLD FROM THE PAST – 9

A splendid new month blog family, I pray that for every need in our lives this month, there would be a greater force of supply according to the riches in glory by Christ Jesus, Amen. I know you are curious to know what has been happening with Lillian, I am just as curious as you are,  lol.

Chapter nine

Dear Lillian,

I am still in shock and can’t yet ascertain how long it would be before I get over it as I have physical scars of the near death experience in the hands of the woman I loved dearly. I am tempted to say I regret meeting and marrying you but I know better. In life everything happens for a purpose and of what use is it to cry over a shattered egg when it can’t be whole again.
I admired your strong will, hard work and all but I realize now after my sessions with my psychologist that I married you out of pity. I knew that many men won’t have the patience to tolerate what I did from you. It is a pity; it got out of hand eventually.
I went to classic hotel to see my patient. I never for once cheated on your while we were courting and even in marriage, I felt you of all people should know better. I left and stayed with Eniola because I didn’t know what else to do and didn’t know how well I could handle your paranoia and temper.
I am pained, disappointed but I forgive you because I need to heal fast and move on with my life. Hope you forgive my decision to divorce you. I simply lost trust in you.
I wish you will work on your temper.

                                                 Matthew.

Too sore for tears, she placed the letter back in the envelope. She had cried a river the day before. Even when she was calm and attempted to leave, her mother wouldn’t let her go. She now sat in her bedroom too cold for comfort. Three statements from the letter hung over her head like a cloud.
I married you out of pity.
I simply lost trust in you.
I wish you will work on your temper.
She bit her trembling lower lip fiddling with her wedding band. Indeed the egg was shattered and there was no use crying. She removed the band and placed it in the envelope.
If she would see a clinical psychologist she didn’t know yet as she left the room to ask her mum if she had something for her throbbing head.
***
Lillian watched as she lowered her tumbler of water on the side table and successfully fought the urge surge to her feet and flee out of the office. As a matter of fact, that was all she and wanted to do since she stepped into the waters of the clinic, run!
“You are welcome once more Lillian.” Chinenye, the clinical psychologist was seated across her. They were at the sitting wing of her office. “Hope you don’t mind me calling me by your first name.” Chinenye beamed at her.
“I don’t mind.” She frowned unconsciously reached for her wedding finger and massaged it. She would have minded months ago if a woman that appeared to be her age mate and especially at her service addressed her by first name.
“How can I assist you Lillian?” The clinical psychologist smile was unwavering.
“I am not mad.” She blurted. “I don’t know what I’m doing here.”
“You don’t have to be mad to enjoy the coziness of this office.” She chuckled. “By the time I list out what I am trained to do, the ball would be in your court to decide if you should be seated here or not. I am trained to work with clients who have a variety of mental or physical health issues such as depression and anxiety, mental illness, adjustment to physical illness, neurological disorders, addictive behaviours…”
Lillian met her gaze.
“Challenging behaviours, eating disorders, personal and family relationship problems also learning disabilities.” She tilted her head to a side. “What do you say?”
She felt so vulnerable. She hate being vulnerable but if her family wanted her to go down this path to prove to them she hadn’t lost her mind, so be it. With a palm, she straightened the pleats of her lemon colored gown and looked at her companion with a faltering smile. “I recently got divorced.”
“I’m sorry to hear that Lillian.”
“There is nothing to be sorry about!” Lillian snapped.
When Chinenye only sat back on the sofa retaining her smile not thrown off balance by the outburst, she flushed with embarrassment. “There is nothing to be sorry about, at least not anymore. It was my fault. I slashed my husband throat and stabbed him on the arm.”
“Was it in self defense?”
“He was fast asleep.”
She raised a brow but said nothing.
“I wanted to teach him a lesson.” She said calmly and lowered her gaze.
Chinenye waited an explanation but when it wasn’t forth coming, she said. “Can you say the punishment you meted equated the offense?”
“Matthew didn’t offend me. I was the offender, always has been.” Her voice tinged with impatience.
“Why then did you get aggressive?”
“I wasn’t aggressive!” Lillian eyes threatened to spill fire. “I was angry.”
“Hmmm…there is actually a difference between anger and aggression but many of us think they are the same.” She stated calmly. “Anger is a feeling. Aggression is a behavior. At other times people use their anger as an excuse to behave in an aggressive manner.  Lillian, anger is an acceptable emotion just like happiness or sadness.” With eyes on her client, she continued. “Aggressive behaviours include bullying someone into doing something whether they want to do it or not.”
Lillian averted her gaze. She wasn’t going to permit the overly-smiling lady charm into believing something that was fallacy.
“Verbal forms of aggression include making threats or demands. Examples are name calling or putting the other person down. Physical forms of aggression may include throwing things, breaking things, slamming things or physical attacks.”
She panicked in guilt. “No! I am not mad.”
“Of course not Lillian. You’re not mad neither am I here to judge you. You don’t want to physically attack anyone ever again?”
“No I don’t.” she shook her head and with a solemn voice said. “I can’t afford to go through this ever again.”
“I am here to help you Lillian, I can only do that if you see me as a confidant and answer honestly to my questions.”
She nodded and reached for the tumbler of water.
“At any point in time before now, have you attain the stage of aggression, I mean one that almost cost the live of someone?”
The tumbler would have slipped off her hand and shattered if she hadn’t being holding it with both hands. Slowly but with quavering hands, she returned the tumbler to its earlier position. Without a glance at Chinenye, she picked her bag and hurried out of the office.
***
Don’t leave without telling me what you think of this chapter.

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10 comments

  1. Thanks xstar but what exactly is wrong with this lilian? Is it that she does not want to be free or is she comfortable with what has happened to her? Na wa o! And to think she is full of herself – gooluck to her.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you Lenma for echoing my thoughts on Lilian. What exactly is her problem? Does she realise that she have gone to jail for at least ten years for attempted murder?
    I’m angry that she didn’t get jailed, how can you stab a person in his sleep, get away with it and say you are not aggressive?

    Like

  3. Hi dear,
    I have been following and love this series.
    Awesome job!

    I guess there is really something from the past Lilian hasn’t healed from.
    Hmm.

    still here…Waiting for the next episode..

    *;Love

    Like

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